Lets get right into it. We all know that kissing is one of the greatest things and is easily one of the best parts of a new relationship, right? But before you know it you’ve been with someone for years and you’re married, and now you have kids, and careers, and dogs, and laundry to put away, and dishes to wash, and you’re tired, and there’s just never enough time, and I could go on forever. Life. Gets. Busy.  Sadly, with that busyness most of us experience a loss in passion within the relationship and those hot kisses aren’t as as common.  It’s not that we don’t love our spouse (it’s usually quite the opposite), it’s just that somehow in craziness of life we’ve found ourselves in place where we have to work at making the time to intentionally connect. It’s sad, really, but it happens.

Sometimes the simplest things can make the biggest changes though. One of my favorite solutions  is to create a new ritual with your spouse. It’s what known as the 6 Second  Kiss (Dr. John Gottman coined this term) and not only is it wonderful but it’s also a great way to improve your marriage.

First, lets talk about that ritual.  Rituals are great things to have within your relationship because it’s something you both participate in, it’s usually something you can look forward to, and it’s a really great way to create some intentional habits throughout your week to make sure that amidst your busy schedule you get a chance to connect.

Now, lets talk about that kiss!!

6 seconds of kissing!  Not 1 or 2 seconds but 6! We all know that those quick 1 or 2 second kisses are okay but they’re quick, and fast paced, and do they really give you that chance to connect? Not really.  Now don’t get me wrong, I won’t walk out the door to leave without a kiss and it’s often one of those quick kisses usually because I’m running late.  But that right there is why it’s so important to me to be able to give my husband a long kiss when I get home.

Now before you think I’m crazy or that I just made up a number let me back this up and tell you why you need to give you and your love those 6 seconds (or more) of kissing (besides the fact that you simply just deserve it).

John Gottman is one of the greatest researchers on relationships and has spent over two decades studying what separates what he calls “The Masters” from “The Disasters.” In addition to that, Gottman and his wife Julie have dedicated their careers to developing and sharing what can help improve relationships so that we can all become masters within our own relationships. One of those things is developing a ritual of a 6 second kiss.

Within those 6 seconds you are allowing yourself to express affection for one another with physical touch, which then stimulates the release of the hormone, oxytocin, within your body. If you’re not familiar with this hormone it’s known as the “feel good” hormone and it plays a role in creating connections and feelings of closeness.  It’s also the same hormone that is released while breastfeeding and during sex.  This is so good and is your bodies natural way of helping you really feel connected.

But 6 seconds really is kind of a long time when you stop and think about it. The benefit of that is that it requires you to slow down.  It means that you have to be mindful and intentional to pause the chaos for a moment and just connect. That right there is so meaningful and good for you both.  We need to have moments in our day where we can pause and what better way to pause than with a kiss.

This one might be my favorite reason of all.  You look forward to it.  I can’t tell you guys how many times I’ve been stuck at work and it’s been a really long and frustrating day and then I start thinking about that kiss and missing my husband.  It makes me really look forward to wrapping up my day and getting home to him.  And to be honest, it actually helps me stay focused at work because I really want to leave on time and get home to that kiss and I can’t do that if I still have a ton of paperwork to do.

Here’s the bottom line though.  Life is going to be busy and it will never stop throwing distractions at you.  There will always be something to catch your attention and I know that for me when I walk in the door at the end of the day I’m inundated with things that I need to do. But there will always be things to do.  So, being able to take control by choosing to pause to just focus on my husband for a really great kiss is so, so wonderful.

Even better, it sets the tone for the rest of the evening. There have been many times that the stress of my day comes home with me but when I gave myself a chance to pause and really kiss my husband I also gave myself a chance to reset for the rest of the night with my family.

So, I’d encourage you all to talk to your hubby or wife and tell them about this.  Talk about when you guys would like to create this ritual in your day and let me know how it goes!